Saturday, April 6, 2013

Random Thoughts: Eyeball Sex and Other Awkward Observations

So... anyone watching my social media activity for the past few days probably saw this one coming. Honestly, I only have one thing to say about this, People looking at other people and thinking those other people are attractive IS NOT NEWS!!! North Korea, the State of the U.S Economy, car accidents, local road construction, crimes, acts of heroism, new businesses opening, old businesses closing, charity, films, concerts and book releases... all news.

Pokey thinks Goo is hot is gossip. (And also, probably inappropriate, but I can't be sure because I don't know the rules of dating for claymation characters, particularly in the world of Gumby.) Why is this kind of stuff showing up as NEWS?

(*scratches head, shrugs, moves to the next point...)

That said, eyeball sex is kind of an awesome phrase, because it is hilarious. Gross, if you think about it too literally, but hilarious. So, I guess there is that.

On to the next... the day after Eyeball Sex broke (yep, still giggling) there was a recall of Moose Lasagna due to traces of pork. This Moose Lasagna is sold at IKEA.

I'm all for adventures in new foods. The idea of Moose Lasagna sounds a little scary, but I'd try it once out of curiosity. I am also for being informed about what is contained in the aforementioned new food. The fact that the Moose Lasagna was recalled because pork, not mentioned on the label, was found in the Moose Lasagna makes sense to me.

I know I'm not alone, and yeah, I'm probably late to the party in terms of expressing this, but the part that makes no sense to me is that the Moose Lasagna is SOLD AT IKEA. Anything at a furniture store called Moose Lasagna should be a cleverly designed floor tile meant for bathrooms at frat houses and not something that is trying to be food.

Whew. I'm glad I got that out of my system. But I'm not done.

Maybe it's the water, or perhaps in my mumblesomething years my brain is simply changing in new and terrifying ways but there's this thing that keeps happening lately wherein a I hear a song over the supermarket speaker system where I work and it just suddenly seems...


I submit to you this seemingly innocent disco tale of high school longing...

 Ah, the Sylvers and the idealism of hormonal teenagers who can't wait for that one special night when they can ...


I won't make fun of the song itself, but here's what happens in my head.

I hear this song and I picture a disco cover band who just keep getting older, but share this crazed enthusiasm for dancing at high school dances and so every spring, when they have their reunion, they crash the high school dance in their polyester leisure suits and combovers and...


The thing about high school dances is that I don't recall anyone ever actually doing anything that could be called dancing at high school dances.

I hear this song every day at work.




And because of that whole scene I just told you, it now makes me giggle every time I hear it.

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